My Biggest Problem

I love too deeply. I feel too much. These are my biggest problems.

Let me live.

I will never regret loving you who will never be mine. The only thing that I might regret is that I am not good enough. My good is not good enough. I might not be able to love someone else as I love you and I don't expect I will. It's okay. I just want to live.

mirror: marriage vs love

mirror: marriage vs love: 'Umar (ra) said to a man who was going to divorce hos wife, "Why do you want to divorce her?" "I do not love her," said he. To this, 'Umar r...

After a Long Time ..

Hello readers. How's life treating you? I apologise for not updating my blog in a very long time due to my busy schedule as an educator (yeah right!). I promise you to update it soon, but in the meantime let me update you on what's been going on.

1) Post-practicum activities: Apparently, my college has been very kind to organize activities to keep us 'occupied' until the joint-board meeting takes place somewhere in November. Those activities include: 

Outreach project in SK Taman Megah, PJ: Basically we were helping out the school in conducting the English Week/Day. We had to prepare some English games for the Year 2, 3, 4 and 5 kids. My partner, Jemi and I chose to carry out two games which were:

 Day 1: Word Chain (Year 2 and Year 3) 

 Day 2: Be a Decipherer (Year 4 and Year 5) 

Photo Credit: Farouk Harun

 Photo Credit: Farouk Harun

Yes, those little kids were quite a handful! Haha..Anyway, I was very grateful because those two days in SK Taman Megah made me realize that being primary school teachers is not as easy as I thought it would be. Kudos to all primary teachers around the world. :)

Coaching and Officiating Course for Cricket: Last week, I got the chance to play cricket for the very first time in my life. As someone who is not athletically-gifted, I was quite sceptical of it at the beginning. However, after doing some batting, bowling, fielding and catching, I found myself actually enjoying the sports in spite of the hot sun and staring daylight. The bruises and marks on my legs were certainly enough to prove that I was having way too much fun on the field XD. And of course, I will never forget some funny stuff I did while playing cricket like catching the ball when I was not supposed to (that was very embarrassing!), rolling on the field just to catch a simple and slow ball (when I said 'rolling', I really mean 'rolling' ;p) and a few other things which re-affirm the fact that I cannot be a sportswoman! 

and 

many more to come after the one week break..

2. Watching Charmed 

One of my favourite series of all time. 

3. Playing The Sims Social and BabyMaker on Facebook. What? BabyMaker?!! Call me childish or whatever, I don't care! It's my way of relaxing and believe me, playing these games does not make me or other people of my age, any less mature :)

4. Studying for KISSM. I thought I would be a free woman after I completed my 3-months practicum but nope, I still have two assignments to complete as well as an exam to study for. Undeniably, this has been by far my most difficult and busiest semester but hopefully I can laugh at it all in the end. I cannot express how much I am looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life. I know that I am going to miss my student's life but honestly, it is about time to break free. 

Well, I guess that's it for now. I promise I will do a proper blog post soon! Things that I want to blog about:

1. My students (or should I say ex-students??) in SMKTD

2. My favourite moments as a student in high school

3. Bye bye student's life 

So, stay tuned for my new blog posts. Take care :)

P/S: Happy Deepavali to all Hindus, Sikhs and Jains :) 

Ramadhan: Here and There

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak is just at the doorstep. The month of blessings and forgiveness. The month of soul searching and reflections. The month of training and upgrading.

Somehow, this Ramadhan seems a little bit different than last year. I always look forward for this holy month because it is going to be my first Ramadhan in Malaysia after two years celebrating it in Sydney. Well, fasting in a foreign country, where the majority are non-Muslims, was an experience that not everyone will have. Walking in a public where everyone else but you was eating and drinking  was quite challenging. However, I kept on telling myself that I am just fasting, I am not starving myself to the point that I can’t control myself when food is around me. Besides, the fact that the Ramadhan was during winter-spring made our fasting days even 'easier' because the length of daylight was shorter and the humidity was lower so we did not feel that thirsty or tired that much. 

Alhamdulillah, now that I'm back,  I hope this year's Ramadhan will bring more meaningful and joyful experience to me as a young Muslim female since I will be surrounded by so many other Muslims and together, in the true spirit of Ramadhan, we seek for Allah's forgiveness and blessing.  InsyaAllah, during this Ramadhan,  I will get to hear the things that I missed very much when I was in oversea - the calls from the mosques around my hostel/house and the spiritual atmosphere that we can feel all around. The fact that I am going to bersahur and berbuka puasa with my beloved family and friends makes me even happier. 

In addition, tomorrow will be the first Ramadhan for me as a school teacher. I have to add 'teaching two Form Four classes' as one of the regular activities for this year's Ramadhan. As Ramadan is seen as an opportunity to improve oneself, spiritually and personally,  I hope that this Ramadhan will teach me to be more grateful for all the little things that I have in my life. I also want to be even more patient and enthusiastic in teaching and dealing with my students. InsyaAllah :)

Last but not least, I want to wish all the Muslims around the world a very happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. May this Ramadhan bring us the utmost in peace and prosperity. Amin :)

P/S: Happy fasting, not feasting. 

A Reality Check on Teacher

Today has marked the third week of my teaching as a student teacher. I imagined this day ever since I signed up for this course. I used to break into a sweat just thinking about having students staring at me while teaching. The course has gone very smoothly up till this point and I have come a long way in building confidence over the last 5 years. Yup, it was a very long journey!

For the past two weeks, I realized that it was not easy to be a teacher. Preparing the lesson plans for two classes was the greatest challenge given my time constraints of only having 24 hours per day to work with. Having to deal with students who were defended and closed off to learning made it even more difficult. 

For the past two weeks, I have seen my friends working very hard to prepare their lesson plans. I have seen them rushing here and there to get their notes and worksheets for the next lesson photocopied. All this made me wonder! If only the students could see all the efforts put in by their school teachers. If only the teachers room was made up of glass wall which allowed students to see what their teachers were doing for them. If only...

For the past two weeks, I have learnt that we only truly understand things when we have the opportunity to experience them ourselves. Therefore, some people might be right: A student can never understand the work of a teacher. 

All the best, teachers. 

A Loyalty Oath

We should thank the police to control the situation. They are someone's fathers, grandfathers, brothers, husbands who were willing to put their personal agenda aside and even risking their life for protecting, not only those who were joining the rallies, but also the nation as a whole. We have to bear in mind that, the rakyat was not only them, who were participating in the rallies. There were millions others who chose to stay home and showed their love and support for Malaysia in different ways, who were counting on the men-in-uniform, to ensure peace and safety in this country.

By all means, I do not want to blame them for joining the rallies. It's their right. It's their way of showing their beliefs. As a Malaysian, I also want the best for the country. I also want corruptions, nepotism,cronyism, and mismanagement of state’s fund to be eradicated. We blame the rich and the top guns for allowing this to happen. Many wish for the election to be fairer and more transparent but yet many fail to fulfill their responsibility to map out the country's future. If we want stability and safety and real prosperity, we want a strong, educated middle class. We need strong middle class that votes! Because if we don’t vote, then elections can be bought by the highest bidder. If we don’t vote, we won’t be represented in government. Whether or not this demonstration will result in a change of government, I just pray for the best. And I hope those 20, 000 people or maybe more, who came out today to join the rally will be the same person who will be lining up to cast their votes in the next election. And if this demonstration was really about making Malaysia a better place to live in, then I hope the very same people will stand up together singing the National Anthem and pledge their loyalty to the country, not just the party. :)